but it wasn't the reality I wanted
by angelofplottwists
Summary: What if' the two words that hurt the most. Double standards, grief, character death, and what would have happened had the events of one night in the spring of 1995 been oh so slightly different. Ambiguous slash hints. AU. Discontinued for now.
1. what I saw

_A/N: This idea has been sitting on me for a few months, so on Sunday I broke down and started it. It'll probably take precendence now, too, conceited thing._

_I may do a non-slashy version eventually, but this one has hints of slash. And character death..._

_Unbetaed. If someone would be willing to beta this or any other of my stories, PLEASE let me know._

_First two lines are straight from OotP. Everything is JKR's, except the future slash and plot idea._

* * *

Only one pair was still battling, apparently unaware of the new arrival. Harry saw Sirius duck Bellatrix's jet of red light; he was laughing at her.

"Come on, you can do better than that!" he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room.

Harry saw Bellatrix point her wand in slow motion, the second jet of red light inch towards Sirius, just about to hit him…

Just then, Lupin dashed across the room and shoved Sirius to the side. The curse hit him, and threw his weak form backwards through the torn veil. A wind seemed to tear through it, and then all was still.

Time regained its normal speed, and with a cry of despair and rage, Sirius launched himself after his friend. Bellatrix made to shoot another curse, but before she could, she was Stunned by the entire Order. Kingsley grabbed the back of Sirius' robes and pulled him away.

Harry's mind was still reeling.

Then the unbearable silence was again broken by a feminine sob; Tonks had burst into tears. "Remus! How could he – why was he so…" She couldn't finish, and buried her face in Dumbledore's shoulder.

"Noble?" finished Dumbledore quietly, in the way Harry knew too well.

I should go get Sirius, he can help her…Harry had started towards his godfather before he realised that something was wrong. Instead of the shaken but determined countenance he had expected, his face was a pitiful display of utter grief. 

Well, think – his best friend just died.

Had Lupin died? He didn't know what else could have happened to cause such a reaction.

But it couldn't be…


	2. what I didn't know

_I updated something!_

_Of course, Verasilyn probably meant TOTK, but I take the letter of the law, not the spirit..._

* * *

About a week later, Harry was on the Hogwarts Express and headed back to Privet Drive, and he still didn't understand what exactly happened in that room at the Ministry.

Granted, his mind was reeling from a few other new discoveries as well. Dumbledore had chosen this of all times to impart his knowledge of Voldemort's motives for killing harry to him, and explained the Prophecy. Harry wasn't sure what to make of this. Granted, Trelawney had made it, and she wasn't exactly known for her accuracy or skill in Divination, but Harry _had _seen her make a true one, and Dumbledore did claim the Prophecy in capital letters to be a true one (and the capital letters did seem to give it credibility). Still. _One cannot live while the other survives._ He had to kill Voldemort, or he would die.

Not a bright prospect.

Still, he was determined to concentrate on living for now. Let what would come do so, but for now he just had to suffer the ministrations of his "loving" family.

Sirius had been pardoned, although there were still quite a few doubters in existence. This did not stop him from meeting Harry at King's Cross with the rest (sans Lupin, which was still a shock), albeit rather morose.

He made a gallant effort to appear normal, but Harry could see through it and they both knew it. There was no point in trying to talk to him now, and Uncle Vernon warily approached, but Harry made a resolution to discuss a few things with his godfather upon his arrival at Number Twelve.

Summer at the Dursley's was not exactly the most relaxing of occasions, but lack of attacks gave Harry the time to mull over what Dumbledore had explained to him. The Prophecy was not _the_ solution, just a convenient one. If Harry died, which was a great possibility, there could be another way to defeat Voldemort. So Harry was not essential to the defeat.

Just very, very helpful.

Nice to know; he now had a bluff so that when Death Eaters or Voldemort caught him and taunted him with the presumption that now everyone was doomed, he could calmly explain that they weren't.

It seemed so simple here in safety. But he knew it wasn't.

He wondered what he would return to.

In their correspondence, both Ron and Hermione assured him that everyone was fine so far. Hermione had also said on a sidenote that Tonks was still grieving. This was news. Why would she be a special case?

Harry supposed he would find out once he returned to Grimmauld Place. He just hoped that life in the wizarding world had not changed too much since last he had been part of it.

But he would be leaving Privet Drive soon. In fact, his escort should be arriving to pick up him soon.

…Was that the sound of voices downstairs?


End file.
